What is going on with toddler feet? They drive me absolutely crazy. There is some design flaw somewhere. I can walk around all day and by the end of it my shoes and socks are where I put them: on the bottom of my feet. I leave the house with my twin toddlers’ four little feet clothed in four frilly socks and four shiny shoes. Yet I get to the end of the road, look around and see a trail of socks and shoes, like Hansel and Gretel have been behind me. Then I see my cheeky twins smiling up at me or trying to stuff their toes into their mouths as if they’re sweets.

Please can someone design shoes and socks that stay on toddler feet? I’m begging you. Shoes are so expensive – thirty pounds at the last reckoning. So far, we’ve been lucky, I’ve managed to find all the lost shoes as they fall to the ground, or have retraced my steps to find them. One pair was lost in the shed, I would never have found that but the next day my parents sent me a skip (though on that subject – what’s wrong with sending flowers?) so I was tidying the shed and there they were.

There is also something wrong with the socks when you wash them. I put a pair of socks into the washing machine. I start to sort them out and one of the pair has vanished. So what am I left with? A drawer of odd socks. Although this does happen occasionally with other people’s socks, I don’t think one pair of toddler socks has made it through the wash intact. It’s ridiculous.

It’s a small thing to ask, I suppose, shoes and socks that don’t go missing, that stay on their owners cute dimpled feet. Actually thinking about it, maybe it’s not different footwear I need but different toddlers.