It’s not often I get the taste of life as a celebrity. Most of the time my life is a quagmire of washing up and ironing, tantrums and tears (mainly mine), wiping bottoms, noses and any other dirty surface. So to be treated to a night in a hotel, a three course meal and enough drinks to get me tipsy (2 since you’re asking – I’m a very cheap date) was undreamed of luxury.

The downside of celebrity is of course the paparazzi, the intrusion into your privacy and all your dirty secrets in the papers for all to see. Well this week I had a taste of that too. One by one each of the bloggers attending has written their post of the weeks events. The mix of anticipation and fear is, no doubt, how a celebrity feels looking for their reviews, or checking to see if the Page 3 girl they went home with has published a kiss and tell. There are no kiss and tells here but it is a bit scary to read what others first impressions were.

But hey – the good thing is I can write my own exposé of events. So without further ado here’s all the goss.

1. Butlins is really near where I grew up. Amazing. I never knew.

2. Sally Whittle knows how to organise a good do. Military precision, all the mince pies you can ask for, ice warming Christmas tree decorating activities, and free drinks. Hmmm… I wonder if she’s available in June for children’s parties?

3. You can’t trust anyone. In the tree decorating Christmas task we turned our back and several of our parcels had been stolen. Shocking. All I can say is those bloggers should be very ashamed of themselves.

4. Wrapping presents without Sellotape is hard.

5. Louise at Bloggomy taught me that if you curl ribbon it makes a lovely tree decoration.

6. Sleep with the judges and you will always win. Ok, ok I didn’t learn that from the weekend. The tree which won had lovely cranberries on it or something. Blah blah. I’m not bitter at all.

7. Toddlers can be trained to pick pockets, sort of. I tried to send one of the twins on a covert mission to steal Sellotape from the other teams but she kept giving them our baubles instead. Think she had a soft spot for Jenny over at Mummy mishaps. I wish she’d introduced us.

8. Most people won’t notice if you swap one twin for the other half way through the afternoon.

9. The staff at Butlins all seem to be able to rustle up a balloon animal or a string of Christmas lights out of thin air. It must be in the training manual.

10. If you like someone’s blog, you will like them. It was lovely to meet The Boy and Me, All about the boys, Mummy, Daddy and Me Makes ThreeMultiple Mummy, Dear Beautiful Boy. I thought I’d have more time to catch up with everyone on the Sunday so didn’t get chance to have a proper conversation with everyone. Oh well there’s always next year. I hope.

11. Some people’s avatars really don’t do them justice – mum2babyinsomniac is gaw-geous!

12. Speaking of gorgeous have you seen Actually Mummy? One seriously foxy lady. She kept saying about feeling old but if I look that good at 82 I’ll be happy. Sorry 65. No, what was it again? Seriously the girl’s a stunner and was still going at 2am when those of a slightly younger disposition were already tucked up, warm and cozy in their beds.

Actually Mummy strutting her funky stuff

13. If you write something on twitter about your waiter then be careful as the person you’re talking about might read it. 

14. Some people need no encouragement to get on the dancefloor – I’m talking about you SnuggleBubby, Romanian Mum in London and New mum online

15. After 12pm on a Saturday Butlins transforms into the strangest place you’ll ever be. Or maybe I just didn’t drink enough to get it.

16. Do not ever, never make fun of anyone else on the dancefloor.

Tiredmummyoftwo, Newmumonline

17. Tiredmummyoftwo is not tired at all – she’s a goer! Perhaps it’s having a very young husband.

18. Speaking of husbands there are several who deserve a medal or a night out or something for looking after the children while we were all out gallivanting.

Romanian Daddy

19. Still on the subject of husbands – there has been much discussion about it and yes I can confirm Romanian mum in London’s hubby does look like a young Bruce Willis. I saw them at breakfast but didn’t stop to chat as I was trying to tear the girls away from the all you could eat buffet.

20. And if you do have a husband who looks like Bruce Willis, whatever you do, please, keep them away from mammasaurus. The girl’s obsessed.

21. Speaking of mammasaurus…..well for that you’ll have to come back on Saturday….

Big box, little box

OK I lied – I didn’t quite learn 100 things. Or if I did – I’m not telling. Somethings that happen in Butlins, stay in Butlins.

I do have one final one though. This is the most important.

22. I’m an idiot. More on that story later.