Did you know the Oxford English Dictionary has brought out a new edition this week? It needed to revise it’s definition of the word idiot.

This is what it says now:

definition

Yes, if you look closely you’ll see my photo next to the definition of idiot. They had to update it after the events of the weekend during our weekend at Butlins for the Tots100 christmas party. I’d heard the phrase catalogue of errors before but never really understood it. Somehow everything I did went totally wrong. I should have taken a tip from Santa and made a list and checked it twice.

So here is what went wrong.

  • I left my credit card in my pocket
  • I left the Butlins tickets on the piano.
  • I realised after five minutes that I had forgotten the tickets (phew) and went back for them. I still forgot to pick up the credit card though.
  • I believed the eldest when she insisted she was desperate for the toilet and stopped in a layby. She didn’t. The twins woke up and started screaming.
  • I didn’t charge the phone before I left so it ran out of battery about ten minutes after we arrived.
  • You needed to book to visit Santa before 12. we arrived at 12.30
  • I didn’t manage to have a proper real life conversation with some of my best virtual pals. Partly I think because I couldn’t go on twitter to see who was where. 
  • I went back to the car twice to find the charger and still couldn’t find it, even though it was right on top of the bags. 
  • I left a swim nappy behind in the hotel room so we only had one. Luckily the pool stocked them. 
  • Check out was apparently 10am not 12am as I thought. 
  • The car was bumped on the way out of the car park (note careful use of the passive tense). 
  • We found my insurence company does not work on a Sunday. 
  • We didn’t get back from Butlins on Sunday as expected but Monday – missing work for hubby and school for the little ‘un.
  • When I went to get a replacement car I didn’t insist on getting a car big enough for a family of five and masses of stuff. So our replacement car is teeny tiny. I have no idea how we’ll get down for Christmas.
picture credit
  • I need a credit card to pay for the deposit. See item one. 
  • We finally arrived home at about 6pm, very squashed and uncomfortable. I went to get my key out to unlock the door. No key. We went to my in laws to search for it through all the bags. Still no key. 
  • Not having any spare keys.
By this point I pretty much hated myself. All we wanted to do was get home and unpack and go to bed. Then a miracle happened. Searching through the keys at my inlaws house, there was one they didn’t recognise. I zoomed back home, feeling absolutely sick with dread. If it didn’t fit we would have to get a locksmith. Luckily it fitted. I have never been so relieved. Although I was a little annoyed that the Christmas elves hadn’t been round while we were away and tidied up. 
So there we go, a bit of a disaster. I haven’t left the house since. Well I have but I’ve spent the whole time checking and double checking. I’m still not sure what I’ve learned from the whole sorry mess. Except that I’m an idiot. And my husband has the patience of a saint. Not once, during the entire debacle did he shout, swear or scream at me. He did get a little irked when I couldn’t remember where I had last put the keys. Some people cope well in a crisis. Clearly not me. 

So if you pop round for Tuesday Tea and Sympathy next week it may be me who needs a shoulder to cry on.

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