I often wonder how people cope with the dilemmas and difficulties life throws at them. Life isn’t easy, especially for parents, and sometimes it’s a struggle just getting through the day. Or the hour.
At the moment I am trying to work out exactly how I cope. I had a week at my parents, where I had no cooking, cleaning, washing or any of the other million things there are to do on top of cooking after three small children. A week was possibly too long as I was completely spoilt. I just can’t remember how I get everything done and it all just seems so very hard.
Of course an after holiday grump isn’t really what this carnival is about. Although it always shows me that actually I do ok. While I didn’t do any of the usual household chores, I didn’t exactly feel like I was resting – I still didn’t have time to put my feet up in the middle of the day and read a book or a magazine. I’m going to stop complaining, however, coming home with all your washing done and ironed is unimagined bliss – and I do feel rested so that must be a good thing.
So on to this month’s carnival. These posts show what it’s really like on the chalkface of parenting.
Emma writes movingly about her daughter’s DDH ( developmental dysplasia of the hip). This is a condition which has been a drain on the family physically, emotionally and financially. What I found most difficult to take in is that if hip scans at 6-8 months were routine then results and intervention would be so much better.
Don’t you just love the title of this blog? Although I will be singing it for the rest of the time writing the post (sorry about the off-tune whistling). This blog is about having a very dependent non-verbal autistic son. As you would expect, from its title this is a positive look at parenting. I love the advice to slow down – something I am learning as well – though I’m not always very good at it.
Gilly is a British expat living in Washington. Her main reason for writing the post is because she is the main carer for her husband who had brain surgery after suffering with trigeminal neuralgia, a facial nerve condition, which sounds truly horrendous. Coping with a family, and watching a loved worn go through what is described by medical professionals as the worst pain known to man, must be incredibly difficult.
You might expect Trouble Doubled to talk about how she copes with four children – including one year old twins but no – this post is about coping with a partner who works shifts – something which I also struggle with. It’s interesting reading how a someone else copes with an issue which affects me.
The best thing about this post is the fact that for Autism dad, his son is central to everything and it is stubborness to get the best future for the family which gets him through the day. He writes “Every achievement of his is a victory which resonates with joy in us.”
This is not a link to a blog post but was left in the comments on An Autism dad. I have copied it in full.
I read your and Di’s blogs and I love the idea that one has to answer pertinent questions that is pivotal to understanding of oneself – a luxury that we do not often allow ourselves. So here is my contribution:
1. What is it about your life which has made someone ask how do you cope?
Autism, married life of over 20 odd years and it’s unique attributes, studying, “therapist”, mum’s-taxi, “diagnostician”, “researcher” and all the other hats that I think all of us wear (well, everyone who is likely to read this).
2. What is the best thing about the situation?
Pudding, her father, the people who have entered my life, spent some time, left and those who stayed. (Even my daxies). The learning curve has been steep, but I have learned so much! And the fact that I have learned to be a better person because of the life that I have. I just need to mention that my life is very blessed – I am very grateful.
I do however wonder if that is uniquely to parents who have disabled children – I do believe that we all want to live forever and spend time with those whom we love? So perhaps that should be the worry about what will happen when I am dead? How does one protect a vulnerable person from the grave?
4. What gets you through the day?
I can honestly say – good and bad days – it is love: The love of God, the love of family, the love for and from a child, friends and often people who do not know that they are doing “angel work”. Love really does make my world turn around (as the song goes). And the daxies. They tend to be the ones that shadow me at night when those are long and hard. (Along with prayer). I laugh a lot too.
5. What would you change if you could?
6. What piece of advice would you give to?
I would pass on the advice that was given to me by my mum: “never let a label define how you see your child. You do not know the purpose of your child on this earth. She probably will not discover the cure for cancer. Most children will not. But her purpose might be to stop the guy who will discover that cure from stepping in front of a bus.”
Thanks to everyone who took part this month. I have a couple of other ideas for this carnival up my sleeve, but if you would still like to take part then answer the questions above as a blog post or in the comments below.