Goodnight and goodbye

June 7, 2012

newborn twins

Goodnight my babies,

You went to sleep tonight as babies but tomorrow you wake as official toddlers. Tomorrow you are two. My two-year old, twin toddler terrors.

Do you want to know something? I can’t wait. It’s such a relief to say goodbye to the baby years. To throw off the shackles of bottles and night feeds. Of course you haven’t really been babies for a while, but tomorrow its official.

I know most people feel only sadness when their little ones turn two. Not me. Babies are mini despots who keep you trapped to a rigid routine, which suits them and no one else. The household runs around their need for naps and their appetites and what is worse they can only communicate through howls of frustration and anger. You have to guess what they want and if you get it wrong you enter a torture chamber of hourly screeching misery.

Oh yes they’re lovely to cuddle, I know. A sleeping baby snuggled into you is a delight. Their warm baby smell – yeah, yeah, I know all that. Delightful. But you don’t think of the fact they fall asleep when you just wanted to do something, your arm has gone numb, your tea is cooling and will remain undrunk, you can’t move incase they wake, yet you can’t get comfortable.

So no, I don’t miss that. I like to be busy, not stuck on a sofa without any free hands. There is of course the first step and first word. They are pretty amazing. I loved those moments and now you’re two, you won’t ever take those first shaky steps again. Yet I can’t feel sad about it. There are so many lovely firsts to come, first time you read a word or a book, first day at school, first bike ride, first sleepover, I’m excited for all those firsts. I can’t wait to share them with you. I tend to live more in the future than the past anyway.

Everyone says it gets easier once you’re two and already we’re starting to see that. The main benefit to twins (no not getting two bounty packs – that’s just rubbish) is that they entertain each other. Yes, you get more arguments but twins seem so happy in each other’s company. You can sneakily read the paper while they are playing – I mean do the dishes, obviously. I can’t wait for the time when the girls put on their own coats and car seats and we can hop out to the shops rather than the complete faff of getting the pram out just for a pint of milk. I can’t wait to be able to take them all to the cinema or theatre. The one I really can’t wait for, is when they can all go to swimming lessons at the same time. No more sitting on the side hoping one of them doesn’t decide to take a jump in.

Some people are just not “baby people”, I guess. I prefer older children. I love being able to have a conversation and see what crazy things are going on in their little heads. The twins’ world is opening up every day. Their first word was exciting, but now it’s a new word every hour and it’s such a surprise to hear what new phrase they pick up. Ok most of the time they are just saying “no bed” but it’s still much more entertaining than just crying when I try to tuck them in.

It’s all quiet from your bedroom now. You’ve spent twenty minutes having a chat. I could hear you singing your own version of twinkle, twinkle for a little while, then you were both giggling about something. It really is so lovely. I can honestly say I would never go back to those baby days.


So when I switch on the computer monitor and see the picture of you both snuggled up, your little bodies curled so tightly together for warmth, of course I do not feel a tightness in my throat. Of course I don’t notice any tears start to form when I think of how you are my last babies and how I will never again plan baby names or pack a hospital bag full of perfect tiny baby grows, I will never have the wonder of looking into your round newborn eyes and feeling like I already know you, I will never make up silly lullabies, or wrap you in a fluffy baby blanket to show you to the world. Of course I don’t feel sad about these things.

Of course not.

Well maybe a little.

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